seek and you will find.

"seek and you will find. ask and it will be given to you. knock and the door will be opened." scripture has funny way of being crystal clear even when my mind and thoughts are clouded by fear, indecision, angst and fleshly wanderings. my vision gets blurred and my thoughts mushy with all the possibilities and choices. i try to plan too much. to figure everything out. to consider all the risks and weigh the possible scenarios. so much sometimes that i forget to pray. i forget to read His word. and i forget to trust. which is a total bummer because in my clouded wanderings i end up missing something. i miss the opportunity to remember the promise i have from my Lord. i miss the op to mediate on that fact that he has me in his grip. and when i miss that, then i become stressed, uneasy, and unhappy. so, when i trusted, when i risked, when i stepped out in faith, He met me there in that very moment. He met me in the unknown and uncertainty. and whispered in my ear, "i gotcha little man. fret not my young lad!" and so He does. and will.

all that to say, i found a house, made some awesome business connections, found awesome roommates, and feel alive again. all in two shorts days. God is good all the time and all the time God is good. i will be living in a cute little house on de la vina with hardwood floors and a front porch. two of my most favorite things in this world. one of my roommates is a chef at the hungry cat. one of the BEST restuarants in town and we will be cooking up quite a storm in our little kitchen. and the other is a medical researcher, which is so bad ass. and she loves antiques like i do. hgtv, you got nuthin' on us. then i have a shoot today at some properties in montecito for an Sotheby's ad campaign that going in Luxe magazine. no big. all thanks to my friend lauren. i am amped. and then my friend Kacie asked me to second shoot with her again in march. perfect.

searching.

in recent days i have been searching. looking for answers. combing craigslist for houses and roommates. perusing the classifieds for part time jobs. all because i have been anxious to move back to santa barbara. i love it here. and really, i feel like this is where i am supposed to be. or at least, it is where i want to be. it is such a rich community for me. full of supportive friends, fun social engagements, and incredible church community. i miss living here. i miss the people. the moments. the santa barbara vibe. i think i am finally at a place where i am ready to come back. or at least i hope so. it seems risky. it feels a bit rash. and i wonder if i am just going to get antsy again. yet all the while, i can't help but think that i should take the risk, realize that it is not rash because i have been thinking and praying about it since i left in the first place and trust that i can find contentment here if i put my heart and mind to it. i need to trust that the Lord will provide a way if i am meant to be here. so i continue to search and hope that i will find...

sundays.

sundays seem to be my reflective days. well, they are at least more reflective than others i suppose. perhaps, it is because it is a day purposed for worship, community, sharing in the Word and breaking bread. there is just something about Jesus that gets me a-thinkin' and a-reflectin'. true story. i think it has something to do with the fact that i feel most loved on sundays. it is when i remind myself of my how i have been saved. and redeemed. and while i should very well be doing so each and every day, it doesn't always set in until the sabbath rolls around.

with that said, i have been thinking and feeling (yup, i can do both) a lot today.

it has just been one of those days where reality hits. and when i am reminded of my status. (in more ways than one). with such a reminder, comes a torrent of emotion and thought in both the positive and negative forms. an assault of questions really. and not just any questions, but life-questions, unanswered questions, and well, tough questions. you know the ones. they linger. they get asked over and over again. you ask. they ask. they are those questions with whom you have a love-hate relationship. ones you secretly hope will either be answered for you or you can forget and never be asked again. but then you get smacked in the face by reality and realize that they never go away and forever go unanswered. well, damn. and while i think it slightly inappropriate to use such a word on my blog and on sunday nonetheless, it is quite honestly how i feel about those questions...

and all the while i recognize that nature of said questions, i can't help but attempt to answer them. you know, try to plan, to predict, to figure it all about and remain in control. or you pretend like you have all the answers, that you have it all figured out, or that you have a plan. i do that. all to often really. i don't like to admit that i am not in control. or that i don't have a plan. or that my plan did not go accordingly. oh no. not me. no, no. i have a plan people. i am in control. i know how i am going to get from a to z. oh yes.

SMACK.

"jeffrey, you are silly. relax. stop being so prideful. you are not in control. I am. duh. why you trippin'? i gotcha. fret not my young lad. surrender. be content in the unknown. delight in the mystery. and be patient. and trust ME. i know the plans for you my son, plans to give you a future and a hope. calmate hijo!" - Jesus

sometimes i need to be smacked. often times really. i get all worked up. all worried and frazzled. all sorts of beside myself and i forget about the big picture and i forget that i am (as my friend Leslie signs every e-mail) in HIS grip. but on sundays, i remember, and it calms me. why? because i am in a place of surrender, or trust, faith and hope. now, if i could get myself in that sweet spot every day, i would be golden. any thoughts on how to actually do that would be MUCH appreciated oh you faithful readers you.

so i turn in tonight hoping that tomorrow brings with is some peace. and some clarity. and some faith. and i suppose if i can't muster up any of that, at least i can pray and try again the next day. and perhaps the day after that. and so on and so forth.

wii boxing.

have you ever wii-ed? it is the best video game system ever. fun for the whole family literally. my cousin emily brought her wii up when they visited in october. we had a blast creating our little "mii" characters. each member of our family has a mii with an uncanny resemblance to their respective real life counterpart. needless to say, we all got addicted to it so much that my g-rents have one of their own now. so when we all gathered together at grandma's house for our family christmas, we could not resist the temptation to virtually beat each other up on wii boxing. and that we did. granma worked papa and tim worked my sista. and beat my dad up. it was great. and hilarious. imagine my 75 year old grandparents dukin' it out. one of the best christmas moments ever. wow.

collage 1. the top left picture is my whole wii family. the next is my mii. bottom right is my sister's mii getting hit so hard by tim that she flipped over. and the last is sister and tim workin' the ring.

collage 2: my grandpa fighting tim. he was a crack up. next is my g-rents workin' the ring. the funniest thing i have seen in a long time. hahaha. last is my sister just lovin' that she is working tim over.

wow, every family should have a wii. and play wii boxing. one of the best things ever.

long or short?

i have a dilemma. my hair is currently relatively long and could use a cut in some form. so, i am debating...shall i just clean it up and keep the longer style? or shall i cut if off and rock the buzz again? i can't decide. you tell me. post a comment below and give me your valued opinion. thanks ya'll. i adore you.

p.s. right photograph is by erica urech. left is by ashley lacasse.