captain jack sparrow.

i feel like captain jack sparrow. you know, the scene where he valiantly sails into Port Royal for the first time. and he looks so brave and pirate-esque standing up on the mast. then the camera zooms out and his ship is not much of ship, and it is sinking to boot. but he steps onto the dock with confidence. as if he belonged there. with a sense of entitlement. then the keeper of the dock tells him it is a shilling to tie up his boat. and he will need his name. jack looks at his pathetic sunken boat and offers three shillings to avoid giving his name...

i like his confidence and cleverness. haha. (remember that he then steals the dock-keepers bag of coins). i like that no matter how much he feels out of place or how much people are looking at him, he steps on that dock sure of who he is and of his purpose in Port Royal. sure his boat is underwater and useless, but he will find a way to get back on the high sea. and we know he does. he's captain jack sparrow after all.

i am like jack. i have sailed into port for a purpose, with intentions, goals and aspirations. i have arrived with confidence and with my head held high despite the looks of my "ship." it has been interesting moving home. that is for sure. in some ways i feel like i have to pay a shilling to tie up my boat. and that people will look at me like "what the hell? what is he doing back?" i feel like they think my ship has sunk and coming home is my last resort, and that i have hit rock bottom. and it is almost like my home is not my home. i feel like an outsider. an intruder. a pirate. weird i know. ironic indeed. but there is an odd sense about, a strange wind. i hope it will pass. soon.

i wish i did not care so much about what people think. grr. i bother myself sometimes. but in small town, their are always eyes a-watchin', people talkin' and opinions circulatin'. i am confident in my decision to move home. i know what i can handle and i know that if i approach this season in such a way, that i will come away with a bigger, better and faster ship. i might have to commandeer it, but hey, you do what you got to do, eh? haha. no, no. i will find a more appropriate way to get me such a sea-faring vessel. hmm. i better get to work. because i can already sense that this captain needs the wind and spray of the see in his face.

i know, i know the nautical metaphors are a bit too much at times, but i can't resist. they work for me! :)